Testing Unknown Waters
Rainy days are always so gloomy, or so I used to think. In the past, there was just something about the downpour of water that brought me physically and emotionally down. Even if I wanted to go outside, there was always the possibility I would get cold or wet. By looking at the rain as an inner reflection, I have finally come to realize why I disliked rainy weather.
Whirlpool of Emotions
I used to cry a lot as a child, so much so that I would be called a cry baby from other children and adults. The first response anyone gave me was “don’t cry, it’s okay.” I knew everything was okay, but crying was how I processed my emotions. After hearing “don’t cry” repeatedly by others though, I figured I was doing something wrong. I wanted to be respected by my peers, and I wanted to make everyone happy so they wouldn’t have to worry about me, so I stopped crying. I held back every tear and forced it back down into my throat. Though the tears I held back sank like lead in my stomach, I started to feel empty inside.
Over many years, I would look down and see my stomach getting bigger and bigger. I would diet for weeks or eat just an apple for the day. I also tried taking diet pills which in the end only caused my heart to race. Inside I would hear myself saying “something is not right. I am going about this all the wrong way.”
Reflection Upon the Water
It wasn’t until I turned within myself and started evaluating my thoughts and beliefs that I started to understand the reason rainy days put me in such a gloomy mood. In my subconscious I saw the rain as tears, possibly because at some point in my life I had been told the rain signified the heavens crying. When I changed my surroundings the link between tears and the rain became clear. I was carrying all the emotional weight I was not able to express in the past and the rain was trying to tell me to go within. Emotions need to be expressed. If they are not they will sit inside the body and wait till they can be.
Tears of Nourishment
In the past year in a half I have cried through forms of sorrow, laughter, and gratitude. I have made up for all the tears held back. Like a dam I have let them free in small doses over time, enough to decrease the building waters, but not too much to drown in my sorrows of the past. Although there have been a few times that a tsunami of tears were released. Gratefully, I was always supported from others to act as my lifeguards. Though not everyone is ready to embrace the waves of built up tears, you just have to find the right ones to open up to.
Tears help us move forward, there is nothing wrong with crying. Remember every time the environment is touched by the rain the surroundings come back to life. I now greet the rain with excitement because I know that after the rain new grass will grow and the flowers will flourish. If you take notice of the benefits that come with the rain (tears), you may get the chance to see a rainbow.
This may be difficult at first and I just want to make sure you are easy with yourself and what you may find. You can do this activity on a rainy day or even when the weather is clear and sunny. Feel free to write back on your experience doing this activity.
Write down and answer these questions:
Do I feel the same as what was described in “Rain Reflections”?
How do I feel about the rain?
Am I glad when it rains or do I get upset?
What do I normally do on rainy days?