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High Tides Begin to Recede


 

I’ve been working on this post for about a month, just like in the post Ebbs and Flows I wanted to share a deeper side of my emotional heart once again. I’ve noticed life is full of a wide diversity of emotions, and unless all are seen as a whole, its hard to pull back from the less talked about emotions of loss and emotional weight. Since the beginning of this year I have experienced both many times and often find that working on the blog during these times was too difficult. Though it has been quite rough, I feel a growth of understanding and gratefulness of everything emerging.

 

 

Earlier in the year I lost my grandmother, from my father’s side, to cancer. She left on the first day of Spring and something about that made her passing easier in a way. It was quick and sudden for our whole family. We had experienced the affects of cancer before, but it’s just as painful if not more to have to again. She was a matriarch to our family and all of us looked up to her independent and lovingly stern spirit. My mother always saw her as “mom,” and thought if back pain could be diagnosed into cancer then maybe she should get her pains checked out as well.

 

 

 Around the time of my nature walk , in April, we were waiting on the news from her doctor. A few weeks later the large mass in her chest was diagnosed as cancer. I was devastated. Cancer was back in the family again and this time in my best friend and mentor, my mother.

 

 

We did what we could to have fun to keep it off our minds, before and after her treatments. Its been rough but we’ve given it our best. Last month tension started to ease up when the Doctor said the mass had almost become non-existent. Today we got the great news, my mother is in remission! This endeavor is not over but now we are able to take a deep breath and relax. During times like these you really notice the importance of family, love and understanding. I don’t know what I would have done without my family and friends. Now that the emotional tides are receding I will appreciate each day even more than I did before. ❤ 

 

A Sudden Urge to Expose

I’m Ready…

This morning I happened to see a friend(on Facebook) was applying for the “Fall into the Arts” in our home town. For about 5 years now I have wanted to share my art, but haven’t felt ready or good enough to. Today the timing feels right so I’m putting myself out there. Only thing is now I don’t know where to start!

 

My confusion starts with what medium and theme should I choose? I have tons of Nature, Heart Photography, and Digital Anime to pick from. Could I group these all together? I think I might. If I say “Mixed Digital Photography” as a medium and as a theme I think “Love of Nature” fit well. This would be the first time I have exposed my art at an event and I’m kind of nervous. Does anyone have any suggestions or tips? What do you think?

 

Here are a few types I’d like to enter:

 

Nature Art Hearts

Nature’s Hearts

Nature Photography

Digital Anime

Small Acts to the Whole

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It’s been awhile since I’ve written more than a few sentences and dived into my feelings about life, but the movie “I Am” by Tom Shadyac just had me running to my journal with ideas and I had to share. I’ve been moved by this movie before, this time though, it sparked the question within me “What can I do to give back to the world?”

 

My first response was “I would like to show people that love still exists in this world and that it resides within us.” My second answer was “I would also like to show that we are all one with each other, the plants, the animals and the Earth.

 

I know these are some really big ideas I wish to fulfill. If I think smaller though I narrowed it down to, I’d like to create video clips or art to “show” these feelings. This is where I want to stop and think, “but I don’t have the resources or time to do this. I don’t even have a job that reflects what I want to accomplish. Where would I even start?” lol and now I feel stuck again… I just need to take small steps towards this dream. Maybe it’s the millennial in me that wants to save the world, but hey if I can make one small act to change how someone views themself with others and the environment, I will at least try.

 

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What would you like to give to the world? What would be your small acts?

 

WordPress Frustration

I’ve avoided coming back since my last post because the previous WordPress format to edit/create my posts is no longer available. Now that  I have to learn this new one, I’m a bit flustered by it.

 

It appears I can no longer edit my pictures to a specific size or add a border with my free version of WordPress. So, I apologize for the messiness of this week’s Monday Moments. The previous one was more user friendly, to me, with how to structure and see each post.

 
 

Regardless, it’s time to learn how to use WordPress all over again, yay… If you have any advice for my frustrations please let me know. I’m really bummed out about the new format.

 

November Break

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This month always calls for me to take a break from the blog and rest, I will return in December. You may see a few changes in the style and look of the blog. Until then, have a wonderful November!

 

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What Leads Me to Silence?

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I’ve been looking through old photos for the new series Monday Moments and started to question, “what makes a photo feel like a gateway into another world?”

 

Is it composition, color, pathways, light, shadow, reflection, abstraction, layers, or perspective? What makes a picture feel like a larger than life moment? Or are these spaces in time just as much of a surprise as life is itself?

 

What do you think?

 

Watercolor Wednesdays: Perfectionism

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Boiling Over

This piece was very stressful for me. I realized my talents weren’t up to what my eyes wanted me to create. I thought I had prepared for certain sections to stay white. I taped off many areas, used a utility knife and ruler to cut straight lines, and yet I still wasn’t able to “copy” the picture exactly.

 

The Real Problem

Perfectionism is something I struggle with often in my artwork and in life. The pressure of things not working out just right leaves my inner child having a fit across whatever it is that I’m doing. “Give up,” a part of me says. “Let go…stop trying to be perfect and just play. Try to have fun and discover yourself in what you do. Be easier on yourself.”

 

 Letting Go

I’ve been really hard on myself this past year and I’ve put a lot of fun projects on the back burner. I was going to take a break from the blog, but I think that if I just relaxed a bit more I’d have a much happier time doing what I love to do.  Sometimes I just need to let go of the things in life that don’t work for me, stress. Even though the bottom half of the picture caused most of the stress, it is now starting to grow on me. 🙂

 

Every Moment is Precious

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While watching the sunset the other night I couldn’t help but to tear up at how beautiful the sun looked upon the clouds. In that moment, everything felt whole and all the stress from a few days before had melted away.

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A week ago I found out my fur baby, Kiki, had heart failure and it is just a matter of time… Every moment with her feels like gold. She has recovered from her initial scare and is back to cuddling, eating, and light play. While I spoil her, I will be away from the blog for a bit to stay in these precious moments as best as I can. Till I return, nature will continue to comfort me through this transition.

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I found this video on facebook and felt it tied into this post.

Ocean Conservancy’s Earth day Video

Walk of Wisdom

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As the full moon approaches and the snow begins to melt, so too do my emotions. Another surge of doubts had me running to my grandfather’s woods. I have come to realize that this is my sacred space, my safe place. Every time I set foot to ground there, everything becomes clear.

 

Walking into the Psyche
A terrifying dream the night before, made me feel like going to the house was an unconscious way of facing my fears. As usual the fears lifted once I began my walk.
The wisdom I heard from myself and the forest are as follows:

 

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Today I noticed the many trees and limbs that littered the forest floor. Many previous paths had logs and brush blocking the way. I thought “the woods look dead or like they are dying”. Other thoughts countered “it is not dead, it’s just beginning, you are seeing the aftermath of Winter. Soon Spring will come and the richness of this place will once again be lush with green”.

I stepped over logs and continued down old paths until I came to a bushel of briers. After attempting to walk through it another thought sparked, “Why continue down an old path riddled with pain and possibility of getting stuck, when you can create a new one”.  I found a different route and at one point became confused as to where I was. Looking around, I found the house between the trees and went further into the back of the woods. I came upon one of my favorite stumps and grazed the rings of it’s age. My heart cringed as to why it was cut down.

 

Further along my walk a thought struck me of how important these woods have been to me in the past. “Sacred, this land is sacred”, my grandfather tended these few acres when he was alive and now I may have the opportunity to do so if I choose. At this time I do not have the means to purchase the house and land, but a strong sense overtook me, “I will do everything within my power to protect this land”.

 

I left the woods as if born once again. Was this all really about the house or something more? I wonder…

 

Ebbs and Flows

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Life is but an endless ebb and flow of emotions. This year has been really difficult for me and I must have sensed the events that were to unfold before my short break from the blog. As a writer I always try to look on the bright side of life, but this past month had me sinking from all the waves of loss.

 

I almost didn’t write this post out of fear of changing my blog’s tone which was to have a happy outlook with nature, be all about play, and the great discoveries of one’s self. Underneath it all though, the blog has been about the overall “unfolding” of the heart and with all joy there is also sadness.  This thought reminded me of a movie I watched recently,Inside Out“. Spoiler alert: The movie is mainly about how joy needs sadness just as much as sadness needs joy. Sadness creates an appreciation of how special each moment is and happiness creates memories to help us through times of difficulty. 

 

So as a heads up to my readers, my posts may not be like they were before, but hopefully they will evolve into something more these next couple of months. One’s with more compassion and appreciation of each passing moment.


 

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