Tag Archive | Reflections of the Self

Overcoming Fear

I was going to fill out my application for the “Fall into the Arts” art walk,(for Novembers showing), but I had this strong anxiety from the past two stop me. I know that if I apply now I can just focus on the work as I go. But I feel kinda scared to move.

I got great reactions from my photography work during the first one and good reactions towards my nature crafted art from the second. So what’s holding me back?

FEAR

Everytime I apply for something that has to do with showing my art, I think I will fail in some way. That no one will see it as art or see it as good enough art to be shown. The other thing that scares me is that I just don’t want to look unprofessional. I have my photography, digital art/drawings, nature heart pictures, and my nature crafted characters. If I show all of these mediums at once it looks kind of cluttered.

The Seed of Doubt

During the last art show, someone asked me “is this all yours?” When I replied proudly “yes” they seemed shocked, yet disinterested, then they quickly moved onto the next artist. I actually haven’t felt quite the same about my art sense because of it… I agree that I don’t really have one artistic focus and that my display seemed a bit overwhelmingly different from each piece. But it felt like I was finally showing all of me.

So What Do I?

First, I need to change the way I have been thinking about my art and its worth. Second, I’m filling out my application by the end of this week! I think I’ll only bring six pictures of my best photography and display my other art differently. My main focus this time will be my nature crafts. I have one large picture I’d like to create 😉. So I’ll just have to get started!

Simple Beauty Day 23

Drinking my tea and working on Thursday’s video ❤.

Simple Beauty Day 16

Whenever I feel like bursting from seams from “what am I doing and where do I go next,” I always find myself at the base of an old tree. As if to seek guidance from a grandparent far older than my own, I sit and contemplate about life. The reason for it all and the direction of where its going.

For some reason these giant plants calm me down, slow my wild thoughts and remind me to take things slow.

“Be at ease, let the wind through my leaves help you breathe. Everything’s going to be okay.”

I almost didn’t post today. Its was a hard day at work and the gloominess of the day made me want to sleep it away. But something in me desperately needed to clear my heart and soul. Then, a thought of my favorite nearby tree came to mind. So I took off my shoes and walked to my release.

I have been coming to this tree ever since I moved here. In fact, any place I have moved to I have found a special tree to share my thoughts about life with. These gentle beings are the best listeners. After about an hour of inner rambling I finally felt like I could breathe again. I still don’t know what step to take in my life, but at least now I feel like myself again. ❤

I am so grateful to have been able to live near nature all my life. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without someplace to go in nature. It has been my greatest mentor and therapist. 👣🍃💞

Art Within Heart

Today I wanted to write a post about my relationship with art and a few of the happy shifts that I’ve started. Recently I confronted a part of myself that hinders my art and working towards refining my skills. This part likes to bully my artistic self. In the book “the Artists Way” Julia calls it her Censor, and mine always brings up the thoughts: “I can’t create art if I don’t have enough money, I can’t make money off of Art, or at least not enough to make a living.”

 

The Problem

This type of thinking has always crippled me from doing most of the creative ideas that I have or I want do. “Because, why put energy into something that won’t give a good enough return back….but if I just had enough money I could do my art…”. Something deep down within me wishes that I would stop believing in these old and damaging lies.

Shifting Perspectives

So, a few days ago I decided to try and change. I got into my one of my art journals and started to write. The picture above was pretty in my book but I really wanted to emphasize the feeling of the phrase so I got even more creative and popped it into PicsArt ^_^.

I stumbled upon an interesting thought in the one below and played around with the thought of the word art being in heart.

After writing out affirmations, I also wanted to change my thoughts about art not creating prosperity. I went through a record book and added up all the art pieces that family, friends, and strangers have bought over the years and realized I have made more than I previously thought. Not necessarily enough to pay monthly bills but, if I really put forth effort to develop the forms I love most, it doesn’t seem as far away now. The last thing I wrote in my art journal is what sparked the idea of writing this post. “My heart defines my art.” If I continue to look at art in a better light, the future could be endless…. and this thought is enough for me to make my next push back into myself 😉 .

 

See you next Thursday! ❤ ~ Mandi

What Leads Me to Silence?

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I’ve been looking through old photos for the new series Monday Moments and started to question, “what makes a photo feel like a gateway into another world?”

 

Is it composition, color, pathways, light, shadow, reflection, abstraction, layers, or perspective? What makes a picture feel like a larger than life moment? Or are these spaces in time just as much of a surprise as life is itself?

 

What do you think?

 

Star Reflections

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Photo by: Forest Ardennes Fernandez

I’m back! I finally got my new laptop and will be posting regularly every Sunday again! I was working on this post and thought I’d finish it and give due credit to an awesome photographer. A fellow student from Maharishi University of Management, Forest Fernandez, has been taking marvelous pictures of the night’s sky and has inspired me to write about my inner reflections of stars. I enjoy every picture he takes,  each one has a deep universal feel to them. ❤ !

 

Do you ever look up to the stars with wonder? In a previous post, Star Struck, I looked into my allurement to the stars. I’ve tried to define my connection to them, was it hope, wishing or something else? Since my last post about stars, a new thought has bubbled up.

 

Photo by: Forest Ardennes Fernandez

Are We Stars?

I took a class in college called Physics and Cosmology and learned that stars go through processes that create most of the elements in the universe. I got to thinking about the elements I am made of and how they were once created by a star which stemmed the thought “If we are made from the elements of stars, are they our ancestors.” Is this why I feel drawn to them and share my troubles with them? I seem to seek their guidance like I would a Grandmother or Grandfather and yet they are silent. Somehow their silence allows an answer to eventually emerge…  In my reflection with stars, this was as far as I could get for now. More to come as I keep questioning…

 

Photo by: Forest Ardennes Fernandez

Just for Fun

While researching about stars I stumbled upon a few interesting topics:

Thank you again Forest for letting me use your pictures in this post!

 

Watercolor Wednesdays

 

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I’ve been busy this week so I thought I’d share a few of my older watercolors(ink). When I was going to Maharishi University of Managment, I last minute decided to take a Drawing 1 class. I learned a lot about myself in my work and my struggle for creating “the perfect picture.” None of the perfect pictures are shown here, just the ones that took me for surprise ;). 

 

The first one was a quick study of my friend Rumi. The paper fell when it was still wet and the ink ran down the page and into her shirt. This was my favorite because an accident gave more character to the picture.

 
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One of our exercises was to draw the same things over and over again in the room. To pick one subject and place it with a different one. I had always liked the way this picture turned out and I think I know why. If I were to title this now I would call it “A friend is always near.”

 
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As a project, I did an artist study on Albrecht Durer and found a few of his drawings to be similar to the online “troll” faces. To be honest lol I don’t see the resemblance now, but at that time, it was all I saw. I think I liked this picture because it was something different to paint rather than the “pretty picture” I had always felt inclined to do. It was a very freeing experience.

 

Well, that is it for this week. Instead of posting about sunsets on Sunday, I’ll be talking about the “Give Love Project” coming up on the 23rd. Monday I start my vacation and will unplug from my laptop until I return on the 29th. See you then!